Golf

Tiger Woods Pulls Off The Most Incredible Move Of His Career, Nowhere Near A Golf Course

Woods was described as cooperative and confused at first in the reports, which goes on to reveal that he agreed to a breathalyzer despite earlier reports. The affidavit also states that there were no odors coming from Woods or the car, this also despite earlier reports claiming that Woods’ breath smelled like liquor according to one officer on the scene. He was asked to perform a Walk & Turn first according to the affidavit, but ‘could not maintain starting position,’ ‘missed heel to toe each time,”stepped off line several times’ and ‘used arms for balance.’ Woods also ‘stopped walking to steady self’ at one point notes the report. He next was asked to perform a One Leg Stand and was unable to raise his leg off the ground six inches, placing his foot down ‘several times’ while he tried to complete the test.

The Finger To Nose seemed to confuse Woods, who despite having the instructions explained to him multiple times and claiming he understood what was being asked of him failed to complete the task as ordered according to the report. Woods also did not complete the Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus as he ‘did not follow the stimulus.’

The fifth test went much better however for Woods, who completed the Romberg Alphabet by reciting the national anthem backwards, though the report noted he did need the task explained to him ‘several times.’ H/T (Daily Mail)

 

Listen, I’d be hard-pressed to find someone more appreciative and impressed by Tiger Woods’ golf career. He’s the greatest golfer of all time even if he never hits another professional tee shot in his life. I think his 2008 U.S. Open victory is the single most impressive accomplishment in sports history. Possibly mankind. He won the U.S. Open with a broken leg and torn ligament in his knee. Let me rephrase that, he won the most difficult golf tournament on earth with a BROKEN LEG AND TORN LIGAMENT.

Today, all of that is out the window. Meaningless. Not impressed. I can confidently say nothing Tiger Woods has done up to this point in his life is more impressive or challenging than reciting the National Anthem in reverse…while being so fucked up on pills that you can’t touch your nose nor tell anyone where you are. I can barely spell common five letter words backwards. Tiger over here spelling out 2 minute long songs in reverse.

I’m not even sure I could write down the national anthem in reverse if you put the lyrics in front of me. I’ve seen blackout people that literally can’t tell you their own name, but somehow Tiger belts the song of freedom, in reverse. Even if he knew the words in the proper order, like just singing the national anthem the normal way. That still would have been impressive as shit. I would have still been like, oh fuck man, good for him, I couldn’t do that. But this?! This is like Rainman beautiful mind shit. Next level savant.

I bet Tiger was just fucking with them the first few times. Making them repeat the task over to him like the simpletons they are. In his head just laughing the whole time. He was like Leo in Wolf of Wall Street when the Ludes have the delayed effect and he just loses all cognitive function, but his brain is still working just fine. Big power move from Tiger. I don’t know wy we’d expect anything else at this point. The guy is a walking power move, agree with his decisions or not. Like him or not. Tiger Woods = power move.

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