Football

Vikings Fans are Signing Up As Uber Drivers As a Demoniac Plan To Screw With Eagles Fans

You thought you knew what being a sore loser was? Nope, while we’re all here living in 2018 pissing, moaning and breaking shit because our teams lost, Vikings fans are over here living in 3018 taking being a sore loser to a WHOLE new level. This is the 21st-century millennial version of being a sore loser. By Monday morning after the Super Bowl, there will probably be a few articles with headlines claiming us Millenials have ruined both Uber and sore losing.

Although this is a drop-dead hilarious idea and some unparalleled creativity, if I’m these Vikings fans, I’d tread lightly here. Vikings fans are midwest people. They’re nice, wholesome kind-hearted people. They think they’re being assholes sometimes and I just think to myself, in reality, they’re at best in the minor leagues of that category compared to us here in the northeast.

Philly fans, on the other hand, they’re the ultimate definition. They’re about as scummy as it gets, and that’s not even my opinion, at this point, it’s an undeniable fact. There are thousands of hours of video evidence. I mean they were hucking full unopened beer cans at Viking fans walking into the stadium on Sunday. They burned down half their city because their team WON. They wear the badge with honor. So knowing that, as a Vikings fan, do you really want to load up four drunk Eagles fans into the back of your 2014 Chevy Trailblazer and drive them into the middle of the woods? They think they’re on the way to watch their team play in the biggest game in franchise history and all of a sudden they’re on set of the Blair Witch Project and you think everything’s gonna be all peaches and cream?

Eagles fans would tear these drivers limb from limb. By the time they got done with them the Vikings fans will wish they just got caught and eaten alive by the Sasquatch hiding in those woods anyways. Eagles fans will knock you out, leave you in the snow, take your car and the bullshit iPhone that Uber gave them and ride their ass to the stadium themselves. All the while these Vikings fans laying in the snow thinking about how they should have just taken that L in stride and let the Eagles fans chant SKOL all they wanted.

Eagles fans as they drive off with the Vikings fans cars:

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